Coming Out Rich

This is the most difficult question in the world. I have been struggling what that question since this all started. Does anyone really know what they want? How do they figure it out? I haven’t figured it out yet.

I’m 39.

I’m not young but I’m not old either. I’m the middle of my life, but I would hestitate to call myself middle-aged. The first four decades flew by so fast making everyone happy, seeking consensus instead of making hard choices. It made me happy to do what made others happy. But then I realized that I wasn’t happy. Now what?

All I have to show is a bunch of “accomplishments” and a bunch of questions about what to do next. What is the thing that will make this all worth it?

I didn’t get the awareness. I didn’t let myself flail. I didn’t let myself fail.

I didn’t spend more time on the beach with sand between my toes.

I didn’t sleep with more people back when I was young, skinny, cute, and single. I was cute. Nobody told me that, but I was.

I didn’t go to Europe, or Asia, or South America. I didn’t go back to Africa, the last place where every day felt like magic.

I didn’t do all the jobs. I wasn’t a bartender. I didn’t write the blog. I didn’t host the podcast. I didn’t do all the things I suspected I could have done if I just tried. I didn’t push myself.

I know what I don’t want.

I don’t want to be constantly almost out of money.

I don’t want to be tired.

I don’t want to feel like I am dragging a dead horse.

I want to have nice shit.

I want nice trips

i want a nice house.

I want to get up in the morning and jump of out bed ready to face everything.

I want to share my numbers without shame.

I want to wake up every morning pinching myself how lucky I am to have everything I have.

The topic of this post is a gift from a business mentor, who saw me fuck things up and fix them better multiple times.

Because I have never accomplished any of 2021 goals before, all I have is the story (i.e., the plan) about how I will get there. I am choosing to believe the story. By believing the story, I feel like the actions I am taking will be effectual.

I say this because when things get hard, I have a tendency to do something unproductive (some combination of giving up, panicking, freaking out, hiding out, et cetera), thinking that I set something too ambitious for myself and I’m not up to the task. It’s this fucked up thing I do to hold myself back.

The beauty of believing the story is that I don’t have to believe in myself. I don’t even have to respect myself. I just have to follow the directions I have myself, no matter the circumstances. The belief has gotten me through a series of difficult (at least for me) events the past few months.

I believe my own business plan and how I will get from point A to point B. I believe my story about how I will grow my overall revenue. I believe the story about how we will double our average case value. I believe the story about how my firm will wind down all our probate litigation matters and only take estate planning cases, with occasional uncontested probate filings. I believe that people will be excited about our new packages. I believe that our marketing will work. I believe that our sales will work. I believe that we are bringing the right people into our staff. I believe that we can turn our staff into a team.

In my own life, I believe the story about how I will lose weight, so I go the gym and actually pay attention to what I’m eating. I believe the story about how we’ll pay off the house and the law school loan (Duke was expensive), so I actually watch my money. I believe the story about how I am becoming the person I need to be to handle all the success that we will have.

I believe these stories because I am willing to do whatever it takes to make them true.

I wanted to post one thing I found particularly affecting from “The Five Second Rule” by Mel Robbins:

We have these stories we tell ourselves about why we aren’t putting forward our best effort. Personally, I am great at telling these stories.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of excuses I have justified not taking action:

• I am afraid of success
• I’m lazy
• I’m stupid
• I’m bad at business
• People will think I am stupid
• People will think I am ugly
• People will think I am talentless

When reading, I was forced to deal with the question, “What if you’re wrong?”

It hit me like a fucking truck.

The excuses aren’t even fucking true. I would rather have abuse myself than count from five, stop thinking, and just take the next step.

Failure or rejection will not kill me. As she states, “success is a numbers game” so I just need to keep racking up the numbers. The only way to fail is to stop taking the next step.

Also, what I think about myself matters way more than other people. If I do the right thing, provide more value than I take, then the right people will find me.

What I am Reading: “The Five Second Rule” by Mel Robbins

Power Three:

1. Approve Website Content / Design
2. Call past clients and referral sources
3. Send 5 Thank You Notes

Affirmation:

I am in control of my destiny. I deserve to be a success! I am committed to doing everything I must do today to reach my goals and create the life of my dreams!

Journal:

In one sense, nothing magical happens at 4am.

It’s dark, the house is eerily quiet, and it sucks being out of bed.

Yet, due to Mel Robbins, I am doing some of my greatest work at 4am.

Her book, “The Five Second Rule,” has changed my life. I have spent years gathering knowledge about what I should be doing. I could write a book about all the things I know I should do but aren’t doing. The Five Second Rule is the first book about how I get started.

I’ve been spending all this time thinking that there would be a point where I would want to do uncomfortable things. Or minimally, there would be a point where I would convince myself to do unfordable things.

That is not going to happen.

What I can do, is count down from five, block my brain from stopping me, then actually do the uncomfortable task no matter what I think about it.

So now, it’s 4am and I am doing some uncomfortable stuff. I haven’t looked at my cell phone yet (because it is a productivity sinkhole and once I look at it, I instantly put other people’s priorities before mine).

Instead I do the following (my “miracle morning”):

• I meditate.
• I state my affirmations.
• I visualize my goals.
• I read stuff.
• I journal.
• I go to the gym.
• I identify my goals for the day and the next action step I need to take.

I am going to crush it today. I hope you are crushing it as well.